Took the plunge with escorting

Yesterday marked the momentous decision for me to plunge into the paying for “time” with an escort,  the first time I used such services must have been over 2 years ago and it scarred me for a long time, it was incredibly rushed, mechanical and not worth the money, and it made me feel a little bit bad about myself for resorting to paying for “services”, if you know what I mean

The reason why I feel i needed to do this was because I was inredibly shy sexually,  for a very long time, and I felt that it hindered me and still feel it hinders me to this day.

I was the guy that girls would find quite interesting, funny and attractive, and wanted to hook up with but would be bored of waiting around because I wouldn’t “pull the trigger” as they say, and spend too much time fluffing around.

Deep down, I have to say that moving advances sexually is quite scary, scared of the unknown, scared of possible rejection. From a young age I felt that my sexuality was repressed, came from a traditional family, men and women had roles and did not show any afffection to each other in public, my memory of my parents having sex was a quit clinical affair, no noise was made, movement was minimum, bed/mattress did not make any sound, it was all over within 10-15 minutes, and they both walked to the bathroom after to clean up. One after another of course.

When watching TV, we would flick channels when there was mention of anything sexual, or any scenes of kissing.What was most frustrating was that we would sometimes watch a movie around 9pm, and there would be several mild scenes of affection, kissing, cuddling, sexual innuendos, and my parents would get irate with having to switch channels so they’d send us upstairs to go to bed in the middle of the film.

obviously this has led a hallmark on my sex life, and my attitude about sex for a very long time,it’s only now, as a young adult I am able to break away and form my own opinions and values about such things.

So anyways back to the topic at hand

I went to see a escort yesterday, it was a great experience, I did not get for a full service, I was left traumatised from my last experience going to a soho walkup and been forced into mechanical sex with a ugly girl. Which I should have walked away from, but the pressure that I put on myself to get the deed done was so strong, and my idea of sex was so out of reality that I didn’t know any better

So to dip my toes into the water before jumping in, I opted for a massage and HR service with a nice polish lady, she was sweet and pretty good looking, I was a tad bit nervous, and just before knocking on the door to go in, felt a bit seedy, but I already made the choice and there was no turning back.

Girl put me at ease by making a passing comment about me looking around everywhere in front of her house for her door. And that it was a good thing I didnt knock on the wrong door. I guess when a girl is doing something like this and seeing possible 5-6 different guys every night it could raise suspicions with the neighbours.

So I walked up and went upstairs, got the formalities out the way, undressed and lied front up on the bed, meanwhile the girl is outside, she walks in and stares straight at my limp cock, I dunno whether she was looking at my cock or the funny tanline I have from my recent trip abroad.

She did a full body massage, mainly focusing on the back, and then halfway through the massage started slowly sliding her hand from the top of my back down to my ballsacks, I have I was really shocked at that, and it became clear to me why I needed to seek services of an escort, because my body was quivering at the slightest touch by the escort. She then asked me turn over and tried to finish me off, she tried and tried, until my dick went numb, I couldn’t feel anything on it for a while, the time ran out, and I got up had a shower and left.

Now the average guy who uses such services on a regular basis would have been a bit cheesed off with the results, however for me this was a bit of a milestone. Throughout the deed I kept thinking about the girl, I couldn’t accept that fact that I am paying for a service, and it was all my experience. I guess this is one of the things I’ve struggled to work on, the fact that I need to be incredibly selfish at going after what I want, and not care about stepping on toes and shit.

I also found it a bit difficult to just relax and immerse myself into the experience, I really let go and enjoy, in my mind I was thinking too much, for a while I closed my eyes and tried to visualise fucing her.

The girl was really polite and she said the time is coming to an end, and then went on for a few minutes, and eventually said the time is up. She commented that “maybe you were thinking too much”.. I think she was right.

This is a good learning experience for me, as I’ve struggled with this for a while.

I’m going to keep at it, and do a massage and HR service again with a different lady, and then move onto a full service, I’ve allocated myself 10 sessions, and after 10 I will go back to hitting the bars and clubs, and take a couple of shots with regular girls.

I am expecting to become more sexual as a man, and not shy away from expressing my sexuality with girls that I fancy and get along with. I can’t say that this has happened yet. I found that the aftermath of paying for services is that the high runs out pretty quick, usually by the following day I’ve forgotton about the rush I’ve had and I’m enagegd in my normal day to day issues all over again.

On the other hand the high from regular sex is so much that you can’t help but tell all your mates you’ve got laid, and you run around on a high, and girls can sense it and they all respond better than you.

I remember on my encounter with C that I was high for almost a whole week and couldn’t get my mind off her.