OK my last couple of posts were really quite negative, I’m not sure if this was down to my attitude (which would mean I created this negativity in my head using my mind), or it’s down to just brain chemical imbalances due to taking 5htp, a concoction of sleeping pills, and my sleep clock going all over the place, in the last week or so.
Yesterday, I got a renewed sense of confidence about myself, I went to salsa for the first time in a ages. I will embolden any thoughts and feelings I have in order to release them, they don’t hold any significance to the reader.
I went out today, the day was quite productive, I was focused and didn’t procrastinate much. I got to the salsa bar, and got slightly dissuaded, it triggered a negative feeling of me pressure a being obliged to do something. Normally I would just walk in and wait for my friend inside, but today I decided to call my friend before he went in. I didn’t want to be waiting inside by myself for my friend and lose state.
I got in and hesitated a bit before buying the ticket for the class, I felt a suppressing feeling of not wanting to stand out and move people out the way before going to the ticket booth. But with the help of a friend I eventually got there.
Salsa class was a bit annoying at first there were maybe 6 or 7 more guys than girls. But I decided to not think about it and just get on with the class. We did a couple of basic steps that I’ve done loads of time before, this was good, I deliberately went to a beginners class because I wanted to get my confidence back. Very soon I was getting compliments from girls saying that I’m a really good lead, and they’ve had the best dance with me. This felt good.
I had chemistry or (good times) with about 5 of the girls.. That’s probably about half the class, so I wanted to chase them up later for dance after class.
But I was really nervous to ask, I guess because I have this feeling inside me where I feel like I shouldn’t ruin a good experience by pushing further and potentially ruining the experience.
I went to the bar and and two girls from the class were there. I proceeded to ignore them and pretend they’re not there. Because I felt like I left a good impression on them, and it would be bad to ruin that first impression by falling flat on my face. After a few awkward moments standing there, the girl talked to me, and we spoke about salsa (wow that was easy), and hit the dance floor. While dancing I enjoyed it for about 2 minutes, and then I got into a mental rut where I was thinking "shit I don’t know any more moves the girl looks like she’s getting bored". We rotated partners (there were 2 girls and me and my buddy) and danced for a bit. I think the first girl fancied me, but I didn’t push it to take it up a level.
I made an excuse and left, and later went and danced with another girl, I wasn’t really confident in the way I asked her, I felt like I was intruding in the girls conversation, if I was more relaxed I would have noted that and approached with "sorry to bother you…". But the girl said yes to my surprise and so, we danced.
The girl didn’t have much of an expression, we did some basic moves and chatted about salsa. I wanted to raise the energy up a bit, so I got a bit more excited and started doing some flash moves that I just improvised, and making loud cheerful expressions, she opened up a bit and showed me some moves. It was fun, she showed me a move where she’d lean on me on my side, and I’d lean 45 degrees to the side, and then I’d kick off on my standing leg and bounce her off.
I don’t think it was salsa, but it was fun.
Last dance was the best, with a girl who was really into me, I didn’t fancy her, but I loved her spirit and energy, probably the most dance chemistry.
After that we left to wander around.
So 1 hr of fun salsa class, with 4 good social dances.
Other emotional blows that I may have missed from this write-up and need to release on
*Keep wanting to end dances and go back to my comfort zone.
*Keep wanting to escape away and retreat in a quiet zone
*Not exploiting a good night, and pushing my limits, to see how far I can push things
*Happy by just having girls be attracted to me, and not going for more
That’s all for today
