I’m finding it difficult to balance everything, the boy inside of me whats to procastinate and waste time, and the man inside of me wants to get my [...]]]> Still played videos games a little today, sent out 4 CVs to companies on gumtree, made a day plan accomplished half of what I set out to do.

I’m finding it difficult to balance everything, the boy inside of me whats to procastinate and waste time, and the man inside of me wants to get my life together, get a real job that pays good money and move out.

Tried to train today, but because I was playing video games all day yesterday, I didn’t eat much and almost passed out today trying to train.

Need to try harder tomorrow

felt really crap about it by the end of the day, and then i realised i have a huge vacum in my life, [...]]]> spent all day playing gtaiv, only wanted to play a few hours but became obsessive and wanted to finish the game, giot hooked onto it, and ending up playing for the whole day.,

felt really crap about it by the end of the day, and then i realised i have a huge vacum in my life, and i need to find a career that i can be proud of and get rid of this existential void.. i need to get a career and move out, and this will give me the freedom and responsibility and everything else will fall in place.l

I haven’t actively worked my skills with girls for a long time, as I have been focusing on my weight training, wealth and other personal [...]]]> Just as I thought I was at a loss, and not making any progress with my dating life, I found myself making sudden changes to the way I interact with women.

I haven’t actively worked my skills with girls for a long time, as I have been focusing on my weight training, wealth and other personal goals.

Met a group of italian girls last summer, who invited us to visit them in their hometown in Italy to celebrate the end of the exams.

Being a bit hesitant at first, I was a bit reluctant to say yes, thinking that being stuck in a house with 20 or so people who are unfamilair to me, would be tough, but at the same time I didn’t want to miss out on a potential great opportunity so I accepted reluctantly and booked the flights.

My stay ended up being from Thursday to Tuesday, the last two days of stay meant that we’d break up into smaller group and head over to a theme park to spend the last two days.

It was just me and 3 girls, at first I thought I’d have a bruno moment being surrounded by 3 girls and being sucked into girly conversations and generally being a really crap waste of time.

It certainly felt that way, early on in the day, however I didn’t engage in negativity and always looked at the positive, always seeking opportunities to get into conversations and being fun and proactive.

Throughout the course of the day, I started to loosen up, and the fun side of my personality came out, I started being more expressive and spontaneous. At that point I became more comfortable with the girls and started to hug and touch them more. I believe the touch was absolutely crucial in becoming comfortable with the girls and that opened up new pathways.

Throughout the course of the day I found 2 of the girls constantly vying for my attention, and could feel a little bit of friction between them. This made it awkward for me because I wanted 1 girls and wanted the other girl out of the way, so there would not be any awkwardness.

Throughout the day C and I, I had known C for a while she made two minor passes at me before but I couldn’t capitalise on it, this is really the story of my life, and I thought that it was game over and she’s lost interest. Later on she started telling me that she didn’t know that I was so funny, and spent a bit of time amongst ourselves.

All four of us were staying in one hotel room comprising of a double bed and a bunk bed, after the theme park we went to the room to get changed and head out, we got really playful with each other, constantly sniping funny remarks, we got quite hands on, but didn’t kiss, or touch each other sexually. But the sexual tension was through the roof.

We had lots of fun in the room, I was the last to shower, so I ended up being the last to get out and get changed, C stayed behind to wait for me in the room so that we can lraqve togther and I’ve never seen her dress so sexy in the 2 years that I had known here. Wearing an amazing pair of tight jeans and a fitted shirt with cleaveage to die for.

She stayed in the room, tapping he heel on the floor teasing me for being such a girl for being late, I got up and laughed and said “Don’t talk to me like that I’m not your fucking boyfriend!” She laughed so much, and so did I. I realised then also that she’d been checking me out up til the time I said that.

There was a lot of sexual tension in the lift on the way down, we didn’t say much to each other, but both of us knew that we fancied each other, she had that knowing smirk on her face, and so did I. I also knew that she knew her ass was looking banging, and at various times throughout the time she would turn, to pretend to look away, but obviously to tell me “Heyy, look at my bum!”.

We both got into the back seat of the car to ride to the restautrant, and she was so flusterede that she put on the seatbelt of the front passenger onto her back seat. We sat like that for a bit, until the front passanger reached over to grab her seat belt and we realised what she’d done, and we laughed out heads off.

Over dinner, we made each other laugh loads, at one point we were talking about which clubs to go to tonight, and C said “well I like mattress music, we should go somewhere with mattress music”, we both sat and teased another girl we was with us, who we both love dearly, and C remarked “you’re so mean you’re making fun of her and she can’t understand”, and replied “Yes of course, that’s what makes it fun”, C starts laughing out loud, I turn to our friend and say “innit? don’t you agree”, she said no, C and I burst out laughing.

We shared a bottle of wine amogst 4 of us, we were no where near drunk, but we acted like we’ve drunk the whole bar out, joking around and laughing constantly, that our cheeks and bellies hurt.

Afterwards we got to the hotel, if arrangements had been different I would have definately made a move, but since we were sharing a room with two friends, it was a challenge logistically.

We got into a small playful fist fight, involving me falling off my bed whilst trying to retrieve a remote control from under the bed, and her punching me a few times and kicking me on the neck, I proceeded to punch her hard on her arse a few times which got all the girls laughing. I got up and climbed back in bed, she stuck her foot out at me, so I pulled it hard and made her fall onto the floor. I guess this was the only way to break the tension that we had built up.

My only regret for this happening was that I didn’t make a move or at least try something covertly because of two of our friends bein in the same room as us. The decided to go to sleep, but I wasn’t sleepy so I put my laptop on to watch a movie. I think the perfect thing would have been to ask her if she wanted to watch it with me, it would have definately gotton C out of her bed and into mine. But I guess that’s the benifit of 20:20 from hindsight.

The next day we went back to the park, we spent a brief amount of time togther (me and C) and I spent quite a bit of time with the other girl who was vying for my attention. It was really awkward being with her.

We had about 2 hours to ourselves (me and C) before we had to get up and make our way to the station for my flight home.

I felt me and C connected a lot, and built a lot of trust, connection and rapport together. Even though we had a teasing frame going on and neither one of us wanted to back down and be straight forward. She’s quite competitive and so am I. And we don’t like to give up our position.

So this meant we never verbally implied what was going on between us, but we both knew where we stand. I had my legs over her and we chatted for a couple of hours, I started to get boner, and it started to get a bit stuffy down there, a while later the friends arrived at it was time for us to collect our stuff and head to the car.

Me and C spoke a little about meeting up together, she asked me to stay in touch, I teased back … naturally.. and said “Yea sure, the second I’m out of here I’m gonna delete you off my facebook”.. this was the typical banter we were exchanging throughout.

She wrote directions on my ticket on how to get the the airport, I took the pen and wrote I <3 Trigger on her arm, she didn’t take it off.

5 hours later after I arrived back to London, she text me “I can’t take off your stupid writing from my arm… blah..blah..blah”. I interpreted this as though she’s telling me she’s kept that on her arm all this time. Which means something.

When she comes back to London, I will take off from where I left off.

The reason why I took it so slowly, because it takes time to build up sexual attraction with girls who you’ve known for a while but never made a move. I believe that you can go in hard on girls who you’ve just met, however to do with people who you’ve known for a long time will be socially awkward.

Plus, I’m glad I didn’t kiss her yet, as it probably would have killed the sexual tension and would have been a big anti-climax. It’s better to initiate sexual contact when you know you have the logistics to actually have sex with the girl I guess.

Currently reading a book called intimate connection by david burns, interesting book which an interesting twist on how to pursue love. One of the things it says is that you [...]]]> Just finished pimsleur level 1, feel elated that I finished it, but at the same time realise that there’s a lot more for me to learn.

Currently reading a book called intimate connection by david burns, interesting book which an interesting twist on how to pursue love. One of the things it says is that you need to first learn to love yourself and treat yourself with love and respect, and completely forget finding love, and live as if you will never find love and basically put yourself first.

the idea is that when you stop searching and look within you, you become a more attractive person and people are drawn to you, I’ll be doing the lessons.

Live, Laugh, Love