Building my Confidence » essence foundation http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com release my inner potential Fri, 06 Aug 2010 12:50:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 What I really regret in life, and what I need to do in order to move on http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/2009/10/what-i-really-regret-in-life-and-what-i-need-to-do-in-order-to-move-on/ http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/2009/10/what-i-really-regret-in-life-and-what-i-need-to-do-in-order-to-move-on/#comments Sat, 10 Oct 2009 02:26:14 +0000 totalwise http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/2009/10/what-i-really-regret-in-life-and-what-i-need-to-do-in-order-to-move-on/ A nagging seed of negativty I have is that I doubt myself a lot, this was made clear to me in the essence advance course.

I doubt myself in almost all areas of life, except for the routine elements which I have overcome by consistent practice over time, such as Gym, money making and my intelligence. [...]]]> A nagging seed of negativty I have is that I doubt myself a lot, this was made clear to me in the essence advance course.

I doubt myself in almost all areas of life, except for the routine elements which I have overcome by consistent practice over time, such as Gym, money making and my intelligence. Hell yeah, I love the fact that I can analyse things to death, in fact I can’t turn that off.

Anyway, back on topic, I’m writing yet another post at a time when I cannot fall asleep and I have this nagging thought I have on my mind which I must put to rest here before I drive myself mad.

I feel I have underachieved a helluva lot in my life, I regret failing my A-levels really bad, I regret going to a crap uni, and having to resit my finals because I did so bad. I regret getting a medicore 2:2 pass mark. I regret not making many friends in life, I regret not socialising and expressing my voice enough, I regret not having a girlfriend, ever. I regret settling for second best. I regret sticking to my comfort zone for far too long, and allowing the wind to drag my ship everywhere and anywhere it wants, and not using my sails tactifully to dictate my destiny.

In all my years, I have simply been happy to settle for whatever life throws at me, at it sucks. I am in this position right now, because I failed to capitalise on opportunites right in front of my eyes, and simply choose the backseat option because going for whatI want was “too difficult” for me.

Well now, I am paying the ultimate price, and I have to decide right now, I have to seize this moment and ask myself,

Am I happy? NO.

What led me to this unhappiness? The inability for me to choose what I want in life and go for it.

So what will lead to my happiness? I need to mercilessly, unashamedly, go for what I want in life and not settle for second best.

Really, the time has long gone where I can stand back and enjoy the luxury of not taking action, if I continue this, I will grow old a frail man, and I will not have a career or purpose in life. I will be for ever drifting around in this world, like a life drifts along in a stream of water, completely at the mercy of where the stream takes it.

Now please, let me go to sleep.

]]> http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/2009/10/what-i-really-regret-in-life-and-what-i-need-to-do-in-order-to-move-on/feed/ 0 St John’s Wort seems to be working http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/2008/11/st-johns-wort-seems-to-be-working/ http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/2008/11/st-johns-wort-seems-to-be-working/#comments Sun, 02 Nov 2008 23:46:49 +0000 totalwise http://www.buildingmyconfidence.com/?p=9 I’ve been on St John’s wort for 10 or so days now (I should really keep a record of when and how much I take this), I feel a lot more relaxed and happier, so it seems to be working. I haven’t had any breakthrough moments where I’m trying out things completely different in my [...]]]> I’ve been on St John’s wort for 10 or so days now (I should really keep a record of when and how much I take this), I feel a lot more relaxed and happier, so it seems to be working. I haven’t had any breakthrough moments where I’m trying out things completely different in my life, just doing the same things as before but more chilled out, and more and peace with myself.

Time will tell if it’s had any real impact in my life, or if it’s just a placebo affect, I’ve booked an Essence-foundation.com course for the next weekend. A friend of mine suggested that I’d benifit from it, it’s like a group therapy course where people share expereicnes and feelings a bit like alcoholics anonymous :P and also has a seminar portion of it. It cost me £200 for the weekend (pretty cheap). I wanted to go on the course for months, but never had the money to do so. Recently I’ve made a small killing on my SEO work and have quite a ‘few bob’ to spend.

Even if I don’t get anything out of this, It’s still be worth it just to quench my curiosity of this course. My logic behind spending money on these sort of things is that If I’m ever going to regret something, I’d rather it be something I’ve done rather than something I haven’t done.

Right after this I’m going to throw myself in the deep end. I’m going travelling to Spain for a whole 10 days by myself, I’m anxious and excited at the same time. I’m anxious of being in a foreign non-english speaking country by myself, at the same time I know I’ll have lots of fun, and I’d never regret the experience I get from it.

Still just to be on the safe side, I guess it will motivate me to brush up on my spanish

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