I use computer procastination as a distraction to get away from the pains of my mind, the [...]]]> I need to take close look at what my internal voice is saying to me, and how it is limiting me. I will update this page over the coming few days with updates on what’s going through my head.

I use computer procastination as a distraction to get away from the pains of my mind, the mindis constantly talking negatively and telling me things that are not positive, overly critical and destructive, watching pointless online streams, playing video games etc is a way to get away from my mind. However in the long term procastination does nothing for my mental health and simply hides the problem away from me. I must be at least OK with sitting in a room in silence by myself first.

I keep people at a distance, and find flaws in people really easily in order to avoid connecting with them, I write people off too quickly and only look for positives in a very small number of people, in doing so I create reasons to avoid dealing with them. Deep down I do this to avoid ego bashing of receiving potential rejection from other people.

I don’t think of the positives that could happen from an outcome I tend to think of the negatives that could happen, just before it’s time to get ready and leave to go and party, I tend to think “what’s the point?” nothing different is ever going to come out of this situation. ANd just like a self fulfilling prophecy it doesn’t. I need to think more positively and look at things through a half-full perspective. I need to approach everything with a new perspective and not look at things through a beaten up, ragged, old viewpoint.

I feel unloved and betrayed by my family, I don’t trust them to offer me anything and I have to rely on myself exclusively, moreover I feel they’re holidng me back, if I could restart from scratch and choose a different family I would.

Men are good
Women are manipulative and devious
My body is awkward
My career is stale
My future looks unpromising
My partner will never materialise
I’m good at wasting time
I’m lousy at holding friendships
People think I’m lucky
When I’m under pressure I withdraw
The world is cruel
What I love about people is there are so really good people out there
What I hate about people is that they all ignore me
My heart is broken
Marriage is futile
Love is evasive
Excercise is my old straw
Work is pointless
Life is meaningless

I am smart and intelligent I’m good with numbers and can take care of myself I’m reasonably good looking and tall I am mentally stable and healthy for most of my time My acaemic [...]]]> OK everyone, saturday afternoon, feeling a bit contemplative, so I thought I’d sit here and write up some reasons/experiences which make me feel proud and happy.

I am smart and intelligent
I’m good with numbers and can take care of myself
I’m reasonably good looking and tall
I am mentally stable and healthy for most of my time
My acaemic achievements are good
I have a degree
I overcame a lot of bad in my life, to get to where I am today
I’m not sure what will happen for me in the next 2-3 years, but I know I’m a hard worker and will pull something out the bag
I’m confident and assertive
I have a family that cares for most of the time
I have a lot of opportunities ahead of me
I have set up my own business and made 25K in profits
I can be really funny when I need to be