Building my Confidence » Salsa

A week after going out, and what have I learnt?

totalwise — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:25:20 +0000

I’ve been out Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday.

Monday
Good Salsa class, probably the best dancer in the class, got 4 dances after class. Approached lots of girls myself and got good reactions

Wednesday
Went on a below par salsa class and was bored out of my mind, gave off a bored vibe and this translated into bad dances, had 3 dances and wasn’t very happy.

Thursday
Had 5 dances and a decent salsa class. Was a lot better than Wednesday but not as good as Monday, had a French girl very interested in me and should have exploited that, but wanted to get dances

Friday
Did not do any cold approaches, despite positive, fired up start, noticed weird phenomena of girls checking me out, got an ego boost from this but at the same time stifled me from approaching and didn’t do much. Left home with the resolve to be more proactive.

Sunday
Did not approach and felt like my state was dwindling, however when I started doing 2 cold approaches by myself my state went up bit by bit but not many people out to practice the approaches.

What have I learnt? (what works and what doesn’t)
When I get encouragements from people I flow into character really well, such as compliments from girls and wings. I hesitate a lot before approaching my first few sets, once I do though, I get into a good momentum. sometimes I doubt myself in my ability to converse, however compared to other guys I’d have to say there’s not anything much special to say. I found that if I accept the fact that the girl can choose to walk away and not care, and just talk very slowly and with a smile in my face. The girl warms to me easily.

Delaying the first couple of approaches is always suicide on a night out, it is imperative to approach early and get the momentum building, otherwise I’ll get stuck in my head more and more as time passes, and will go home pissed off and angry with myself.

It’s important to have self belief, and look at the girl thinking sexual thoughts, or like lovers staring in each others eyes like we’ve already made love and just enjoying the moment together. This will make the girl feel the same thing as well and make me feel confident.

Another thing that really messes up my night out is that when I don’t approach from early on I make it more and more hard on myself by being all tense, this is really bad for my state and confidence, and I need to either stop kicking myself in the backside or just get stuck in and approaching early on.

Identified stumbling blocks that prevent me from progressing

totalwise — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:27:19 +0000

After Monday nights great success, I was on a high and stop pushing myself further.

My plan was to go out Tuesday night, however I didn’t because at the time I was "feeling tired", this was probably just an excuse as I was worried of having a bad night compared to the previous night.

I get this feeling from time to time, it’s like a huge period of motivation to change my life circumstance which is a reaction from a period of negativity and seeing the reality of my life situation. Where the motivation propels me to action for a brief moment but then I quickly get caught up in my comfort zone, get become happy for a bit, but don’t take steps to keep going forward.

I guess this means I have to release on my success barriers so I can go past them. Here are some releasing points for my success barriers

*Being happy uses energy and burns me out
*I don’t really need girls, I’m happy with just getting a few positive reactions from girls and then not bothering to take it further
*Getting girls will mean I have to create huge lifestyle changes which will be hard on me and stress me out
*I’m scared of failing further down the line
*Sometimes I just can’t be bothered

I also went out Wednesday night, and didn’t really have as much of a good time as I did on Monday, I felt like I was going through motions that I’ve already been through time and time again and was under stimulated, this funniest bit was when a girl said to me "OMG you have such a serious face on that it’s not even funny", and then the next time she came round she says "hello boy, that never smiles".

One good thing I experienced was that I was completely numb to negativity and rejection, previously this would really mess with my head but today it felt completely at ease and didn’t really care about what sort of reaction I was getting from other people.

Masturbation

After Monday night I had a good celebratory wank, two in fact, and never felt so good in my life. Tuesday morning I had two wanks and today (Thursday) I’ve just had two wanks, I think having a wank before doing something challenging that will stretch my comfort zone is a bad idea, as it makes me stagnate and not bother working hard for anything. I do like wanking. So I should really limit wanking to only doing it as a reward.

Sedona Method

I also need to make sure that I proactively seek out opportunities on releasing, I’m falling behind on this and need to keep it up.

A glimmer of hope

totalwise — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:54:43 +0000

OK my last couple of posts were really quite negative, I’m not sure if this was down to my attitude (which would mean I created this negativity in my head using my mind), or it’s down to just brain chemical imbalances due to taking 5htp, a concoction of sleeping pills, and my sleep clock going all over the place, in the last week or so.

Yesterday, I got a renewed sense of confidence about myself, I went to salsa for the first time in a ages. I will embolden any thoughts and feelings I have in order to release them, they don’t hold any significance to the reader.

I went out today, the day was quite productive, I was focused and didn’t procrastinate much. I got to the salsa bar, and got slightly dissuaded, it triggered a negative feeling of me pressure a being obliged to do something. Normally I would just walk in and wait for my friend inside, but today I decided to call my friend before he went in. I didn’t want to be waiting inside by myself for my friend and lose state.

I got in and hesitated a bit before buying the ticket for the class, I felt a suppressing feeling of not wanting to stand out and move people out the way before going to the ticket booth. But with the help of a friend I eventually got there.

Salsa class was a bit annoying at first there were maybe 6 or 7 more guys than girls. But I decided to not think about it and just get on with the class. We did a couple of basic steps that I’ve done loads of time before, this was good, I deliberately went to a beginners class because I wanted to get my confidence back. Very soon I was getting compliments from girls saying that I’m a really good lead, and they’ve had the best dance with me. This felt good.

I had chemistry or (good times) with about 5 of the girls.. That’s probably about half the class, so I wanted to chase them up later for dance after class.

But I was really nervous to ask, I guess because I have this feeling inside me where I feel like I shouldn’t ruin a good experience by pushing further and potentially ruining the experience.

I went to the bar and and two girls from the class were there. I proceeded to ignore them and pretend they’re not there. Because I felt like I left a good impression on them, and it would be bad to ruin that first impression by falling flat on my face. After a few awkward moments standing there, the girl talked to me, and we spoke about salsa (wow that was easy), and hit the dance floor. While dancing I enjoyed it for about 2 minutes, and then I got into a mental rut where I was thinking "shit I don’t know any more moves the girl looks like she’s getting bored". We rotated partners (there were 2 girls and me and my buddy) and danced for a bit. I think the first girl fancied me, but I didn’t push it to take it up a level.

I made an excuse and left, and later went and danced with another girl, I wasn’t really confident in the way I asked her, I felt like I was intruding in the girls conversation, if I was more relaxed I would have noted that and approached with "sorry to bother you…". But the girl said yes to my surprise and so, we danced.

The girl didn’t have much of an expression, we did some basic moves and chatted about salsa. I wanted to raise the energy up a bit, so I got a bit more excited and started doing some flash moves that I just improvised, and making loud cheerful expressions, she opened up a bit and showed me some moves. It was fun, she showed me a move where she’d lean on me on my side, and I’d lean 45 degrees to the side, and then I’d kick off on my standing leg and bounce her off.

I don’t think it was salsa, but it was fun.

Last dance was the best, with a girl who was really into me, I didn’t fancy her, but I loved her spirit and energy, probably the most dance chemistry.

After that we left to wander around.

So 1 hr of fun salsa class, with 4 good social dances.

Other emotional blows that I may have missed from this write-up and need to release on
*Keep wanting to end dances and go back to my comfort zone.
*Keep wanting to escape away and retreat in a quiet zone
*Not exploiting a good night, and pushing my limits, to see how far I can push things
*Happy by just having girls be attracted to me, and not going for more

That’s all for today